Sonnet 29: When in Disgrace with Fortune and Men's Eyes

When, in disgrace with Fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these throughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

~William Shakespeare

This poem is a pity-party, a man's depression put into words. Truthfully this is a universal depression. Every single person on this earth, at one time or other, has felt the universe was purposely working against her or him. Everyone has felt that they are alone with no one on their side, no one to confide in or relate to. Maybe they feel their luck is always bad, they're broke and the world looks down its nose at them. The universe is not listening to them, and threre is no one to cry to. They have it worse than anyone else, but if they could just have what that person has, then maybe things would be different. Maybe life would not suck, maybe they would not be alone, just maybe...Maybe they would not be on the outside, cold and lonely, looking in at the person who has it all, fortune and friends. Happiness. They are so sad, so depressed that nothing sounds appealing to them. The things they once loved do not seem to matter, the activites they once enjoyed hold absolutely no appeal. Then, suddenly, like a lark, they come out of the darkness and into the light. Suddenly things are not as bad as they had first appeared. How is this even possible? A shift in perspective, that is how. They think back to something or someone they remember that made them feel alive, made them happy. Remembering this person who obviously had a great impact on their life, remembering the way that person opened them up, made them feel, and suddenly life is not all that terrible. And, because of this sweet love remembered, they decide they would not trade this life of theirs for anything. Life may appear a tragedy, but the most tragic of all would be losing the memory of that one special person who made it all worth it, who made life, if only for a blink in time, worth living. And for that we all trudge forth through the mud with hope in our eyes nd love in our hearts.

Design

I found a dimpled spider, fat and white
On a white heal-all, holding up a moth
Like a white piece of rigid satin cloth--
Assorted characters of death and blight
Mixed ready to begin the morning right,
Like the ingredients of a witches' broth--
A snow-drop spider, a flower like a froth,
And dead wings carried like a paper kite.

What had that flower to do with being white,
The wayside blue and innocent heal-all?
What brought the kindred spider to that height,
Then steered the white moth thither in the night?
What but design of darkness to appal?--
If design govern in a thing so small.

~Robert Frost

We are currently studying sonnets in English Comp. II. We'll be writing our own soon...I wrote one today, but probably will do another one. This one by Robert Frost gets a person thinking. Really read it and understand what he is trying to say. It is amazing. Something to think about.

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

~William Carlos Williams

Walking Over The Rainbow

This picture is just beautiful, a piece of my home. I spent a lot of time here, but never have I seen the park look so beautiful. I love how in photos you can take the ordinary and make them extraordinary. A usually gray, dull park transforms to this colorful picturesque setting, like Dorothy going over the rainbow.
*Note: the picture above is Lake Harrison. I, unfortunately, did not take this picture. But the park is really that beautiful. Today, however, it was more gray than blue and purple, due to the gray sky, the gray grass, the winter, leaf-less trees. Still pretty, though.

Queen Of Wishful Thinking

I think that anyone who is a fan of the Julia Roberts movie Pretty Woman will remember this song from the soundtrack: King of Wishful Thinking by Go West. The soundtrack is amazing, and other than It Must Have Been Love by Roxette, King of Wishful Thinking is my favorite song from the movie. I had the sudden urge to hear it today as I was driving home from the park where Kenni and I enjoyed a couple hours walking the path and enjoying the sunshine and beautiful weather. Luckily, the Pretty Woman soundtrack is on my ipod, and I never leave the house without that shiney green musical device! I listened to the song over and over on the 35 minute drive home, really relating to the lyrics. Long story short, I fell in love, it didn't work out. Someday I will get over it.

King of Wishful Thinking

I don't need to fall at your feet
Just 'cause you cut me to the bone
And I won't miss the way that you kiss me
We were never carved in stone

If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Maybe I can fool myself
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)
I m the king of wishful thinking

I refuse to give into my blues
That's not how it's gonna be
And I deny the tears in my eyes
I don't want to let you see

Now that you have made a hole in my heart
And now I've got to fool myself
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)

If I ever get a chance I'll get over you
(I know I will)

If I don't listen to the talk of the town
Maybe I can fool myself
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my ship's not sinking
And I'll tell myself I'm over you (I'm over you)
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking
(King of wishful thinking)
I am the king of wishful thinking

I'll get over you I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
But I won't shed a tear for you
I'll be the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you I know I will
I'll pretend my heart's still beating
'Cause I've got no more tears for you
I'm the king of wishful thinking
I'll get over you I know I will
You made a hole in my heart
And I'll tell myself I'm over you
'Cause I'm the king of wishful thinking

Homesick

Homesick by Mercy Me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through shomehow

I've never been more homesick than now



I am feeling homesick right now. Not just for Missouri, but for the life I had there, the life I shared with my best friend and her two amazing kids. I miss them so much sometimes that life feels so hopeless. I miss our roadtrips, I miss our drunken nights, I miss our shopping trips, I miss our paranormal investigating team, I miss the ghost that resided at her house, I miss sharing books with her son and cuddling with Chunk when she fell asleep in my arms. I miss who I was when they were around.

Mutts: Woman's Best Friend

Breed a Boxer with a German Shorthaired Pointer, you get a Boxershorts. A dog never seen in public.

Breed a Bulldog with a Shih Tzu and you get a Bullshitz

Breed a Deerhound with a terrier, you get a Derriere. True to the end!

Breed a Labrador Retriever with a Curly Coated Retriever, you get a Lab Coat Retriever. The choice for research scientists.

Mix a Newfoundland with a Bassett Hound, you get the Newfound Asset Hound. A dog for financial advisors.

Breed a Pointer with an Irish Setter, you get Pointsetter. A traditional Christmas Pet.

~Good Dog! Magazine

Happy Valentine's Day

I have one class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Today we had a test.
My dog, Kenni, and I spent some time at the park, enjoying the wonderful weather. Then I came home to write my short story for English Comp II, due tomorrow.
I was laying on my bed, turning on my laptop. My window was wide open so the cool breeze would make its way into my room, the sunshine melting the last traces of snow from the ground. I heard a soft rustling sound, and glanced out my window. I had a Valentine's day visitor! (Sad thing is it was 1:30 p.m. and I had just realized what day it is.) I saw this armadillo sniffling around in the dead leaves on the ground outside my window. Quickly, I jumped to my feet, grabbed my phone since my camera disappeared at the Cresent Hotel last month, and ran out the door, leaving Kenni inside barking at me. I did not want her scaring off the poor animal.
I was surprised how close I got to him and how close he got to me! I couldn't believe he didn't hear my sparkly shoes crunching leaves, but he went right on sniffling around in the ground, making a trail with his snout. He was so cute! I would love one as a pet, if they were domesticated, of course. I think he finally spotted me, however, because he started to make his way up the hill and hid under our jeep for a little while.
This is the wonderful way I spent my Valentine's day.

SO Not Over The Rainbow

I am too exhausted to think of anything clever to type or to find a poem to post.
After staying up way too late last night reading, my mom woke me early so we could run into town to buy something or other from the hardware store for the house next door, which is the only house for a few miles. My stepdad rents it out. Then we were in search for the library, which we never found. We think the town was hiding it since nobody around here knows how to read anyway. Since I read a lot, I am an oddball around here. Then it was on to Walmart.
I had some free time to post something earlier, but I watched Life As We Know It instead, an awesome movie, go buy it. Trust me.
Then I spent the rest of the day babysitting my stepbrother's 6-year-old. I actually had fun, but now I have no energy. We watched Anastasia, we drew pictures, played with stuffed animals, ran around the house chasing each other with glitter glue, fixed puzzles, watched the beginning of Twilight, watched the beginning of Harry Potter, made a huge mess in the living room with popcorn, sunflower seeds, drank 2 liters of pepsi....Her mother just picked her up 10 minutes ago, and my cat, Sirius Black, finally came out from under the bed where he hid the entire day.
Oh, I did spend some time with mom making a small family of snowpeople on the railing of our porch. That was a hoot!
Now I know I should sleep since I have to study tomorrow and write a short fiction story for Comp II and read a couple chapters for Western Civ. II, but I have a stack of fun books at the end of my bed calling my name...so, even though it is 1:05 in the morning, I think I will read until 3 then sleep till noon. That sounds like a plan.

Just A Little Thought

"Wanting"

As a rule
Man is a fool.
When it's hot
He wants it cool.
When it's cool
He wants it hot,
Always wanting
What is not.

~Anonymous

Shadowed Silly

Dark and dust
Dust and dark
The wind will howl
And the dogs will bark
People will still be greedy
Babies always needy
People stroll through the park
What's important, ignored silly
Silly important, is it really
And while things stay the same
The world flows around
People slowly pass up one another
While lots are lowered in the ground
Eyes that don't see
This is how it probably
Will always be
Cruel we are
Are we cruel
Never do we ever
Let our feelings rule
Shadow our herts away
The children and grown-ups just play
Nobody really lives
At least not for themselves
Our hearts collect dust
High up on lonely shelves

~Charlie

Will You Ever?

I don't think you will
ever fully understand
how you've touched my life
and made me who I am.

I don't think you could ever know
just how truly special you are
that even on the darkest nights
you are my brightest star.

I don't think you will ever fully comprehend
how you've made my dreams come true
or how you've opened my heart
to love and the wonders it can do.

You've allowed me to experience
something very hard to find
unconditional love that exists
in my body, soul, and mind.

I don't think you could ever feel
all the love I have to give
and I'm sure you'll never realize
you've been my will to live.

You are an amazing person
and without you I don't know where I'd be.
Having you in my life
completes and fulfills every part of me.

~Erica

Who Has Seen The Wind

Who has seen the wind?
Neither I nor you:
But when the leaves hang trembling,
The wind is passing through.

Who has seen the wind?
Neither you nor I:
But when the trees bow down their heads,
The wind is passing by.

~Christina Georgina Rossetti

A Better Place

I was seven when my cousin died. I had never met him, my aunt and uncle never had much to do with our family gatherings, but I still felt the pain of the loss, even at such a young age. They wouldn't let me in the hospital room to see him, I wanted to so badly. I remember my step-grandpa took my younger siblings, cousins, and I out for ice cream and to the park so the grown-ups could see Steven one last time. Ice cream couldn't make up for the hurt I felt. They wouldn't let me see my cousin. He was about to be gone forever and they wouldn't let me meet him. He was 15 years old. He never talked, never walked, stuck in a chair with cerebral palsy his whole life. When he finally passed, I remember walking out the front door, crying as I wandered down the sidewalk outside our apartment, staring at a printed picture of him and the poem read at his funeral. I mourned for a boy I'd never met. I promised myself someday if I ever had a little boy of my own, I would name him Steven Chance. He would have the chance at life my cousin didn't get.
Here's the poem:
My perfect child by valerie geary

as my children were born, i wanted them to be
perfect. when they were babies, i wanted them to
smile and be content playing with their toys. i
wanted them to be happy and to laugh continually
instead of crying and being demanding. i wanted
them to see the beautiful side of life.

as they grew older, i wanted them to be giving
instead of selfish. i wanted them to skip the
terrible twos. i wanted them to stay innocent
forever.

as they became teenagers, i wanted them to be
obedient and not rebellious, mannerly and not
mouthy. i wanted them to be full of love, gentle,
and kindhearted.

"Oh God, give me a child like this," was often my
prayer. One day He did. Some call him handicapped,
I call him perfect!

In Loving memory of steven dale st. martin. he is over the rainbow in a better place.

Thoughts on Love

For one human being to love another;
that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks...
the work for which all other work is but preperation.
~Rainer Maria Rilke

We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
~Author Unkown

If I can speak beutifully and can sing like an angel, but don't love others, I sound like a child banging on a piano or a screeching radio.
If I'm very smart, almost a genius, if I can figure out the hardest math problems and understand sentence diagrams, but don't love others, I am nothing.
Love will stand in line and wait its turn.
Love looks for the good in others.
Love doesn't always want what others have, and it doesn't brag about what it does have.
Love is polite, even when the other person is rude.
Love doesn't always have to be first.
Love doesn't get angry over the small things, and it doesn't remember one reason after another to be hurt.
Love isn't happy when someone else fails, but is happy with the truth.
Love will always protect others, especially those who are often picked on or teased.
Love always believes the best about others and is steady and true.
Love never gives up. Preaching will stop someday. So will speaches. Knowledge will come to an end. Today we only know part of what there is to know. We can preach and speak only with a small part of understanding, but when perfection comes then what is imperfect will go away.
I am now young, and so I talk and think and speak like a child. When I become an adult I will put childish ways behind me. Now we see only a poor reflection, like in a mirror; then we will see face to face. Now I only know part of wht there is to know; then I will know fully and will be fully known.
Only three things really matter in life: Faith, Hope, and Love.
But the greatest is Love.
~Author Unknown

Two Umbrellas

The rain falls, dronning down
Whispering sweet nothings all around
The ground is soaked, wet
Matching my face
The tears wont let me forget
Patter against the window, I sigh
Alone, lonely, the years pass by
One unbrella under the cloud
My heart cries silently, aloud
Then a form appears out of the mist
Blooming flowers, my lips he kissed
Puddles under our feet
Our hands reach out and meet.
The rain is not so bad, true
Because where there was one umbrella
Now there are two.

~Charlie

Over the Rainbow: An Introduction

Everyone dreams of Over the Rainbow, that everlasting place of serene happiness. A place of such joy and contentment devoid of all things painful. There is no hurt, no sadness, no anger there. It is the ultimate Utopia. It is perfect.
Over the Rainbow is different for everyone. Some see it as their dream, the place they reach for in their everyday achievements, the place they live each day to get closer to. The big promotion at work that will make all your hard work finally pay off. The lead in the Broadway play you've known you were going to get since you played Annie in elementary school. The picket fence life. Over the Rainbow is every individual person's American Dream.
The sad part is, it doesn't really exist. Try as we might, we are never truely happy, never truley connected to the rest of the world. We wander around in our own bubbles, our own minds, dreaming about Over the Rainbow but never going there. Maybe we do acomplish our dreams, get that promotion, the lead, the fence. Only, we then find out it isn't all it's cracked up to be. It is great for a while, but we are constantly reaching for that Something More. Even when we have no idea what that something more is. It is human nature to strive for the top then realize there is another ladder we must climb after that one. Over the Rainbow is always at the tip of our fingers, but it is never in our grasp.
This blog is Over the Rainbow. This is where I will compose dreams, where I will say things people think, but don't dare utter. Where I will share some insight into a crazy, rainy world. Where I will share poems written by others that inspire me, share paintings and thoughts. This is the Over the Rainbow of inspiration.